


Bruised Ego

by coconutcluster



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, i wanted to jump on the angst train, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 15:47:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14405361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coconutcluster/pseuds/coconutcluster
Summary: ROMAN ANGST Y'ALLHonestly, just a long-ish oneshot about some Roman angst with a fluffy end





	Bruised Ego

“Alright, guys, we need ideas and we need ‘em now!”

  Thomas clapped his hands together as the sides rose from the mindscape and into the living room, his eyebrows raised in anticipation. Virgil arrived last in his spot on the stairs, and he caught sight first-thing of Roman practically jumping out of his spot, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, his eyes wide and alert.

  ‎"Roman,“ Thomas said hopefully, waiting in vain for the side to calm down.  "Please tell me you have something?” It had been a few weeks from the last video was released, since he was working on a new show in addition to the tour, and Thomas had become antsy to give the fans new content.

  ‎Roman smiled as he brought his arms up in a theatrical greeting - something was off about the characteristic move to Virgil, but the fanciful side was on a tangent before he could pinpoint what it was.

  ‎"Oh, my dear host, do I!“ Roman snapped his fingers and a binder appeared in everyone’s hands. They were similar to the ones he’d provided in the Twelve Days of Christmas, but each side had their own color now - Patton’s was pale pink, Logan’s matte black, Virgil’s a deep purple, Thomas’ golden yellow, and Roman’s own the color of his sash. "I’ve made a list, of course, numbered from my favorite to least favorite.”

  ‎Roman flipped his binder open and Virgil noticed with a start what was off about the side - his hands were shaking. It was a subtle tremor but a constant one, and it struck him as odd; Virgil had only seen him this excited when Thomas had announced his cameo in a Disney show. He elected to ignore it - Roman was often just as expressive as Patton could be - but he kept an eye on him.

  Roman glanced at Logan as ‎Thomas scanned the list and announced the first one: “Sanders Sides: The Musical.” He looked up at Roman hesitantly, “I don’t know, Ro, we just had a musical episode for the last Sanders Sides. Isn’t that a little soon? It was fun and all, but…” Virgil watched as Roman’s bouncing paused, the side’s smile faltering for a split second before he resumed his cheerful stature.

  “Yes, of course, that was… it was a spur of the moment thing, I suppose, my love for the theater shining through. No worries,” he said, waving a hand for someone to continue.

  “This one just says ‘talents,’” Patton said, tilting his head to inspect the writing, his freckled nose scrunching up in equal parts concentration and confusion.

  Roman nodded excitedly at him, his eyes lighting up. “Well, Padre, we all have skills that the fans may not know, and I thought it would be fun-”

  “Looking to show off a bit, Roman?” Logan snickered, raising an eyebrow at him.

  Roman actually  _flinched_ ; Virgil watched him recoil, his eyes squeezed shut and his handsome face screwed up in a grimace. Virgil’s gaze swept the room, the reactions, but the others seemed focused on their binders.

  Roman took a quick breath. “Of course not, Geek Chic,” he said, until Logan glanced back up at him with a frown. “But clearly, I would be the most qualified to do so,” he added with a sweep of his arm and another dazzling smile that Virgil didn’t see reach his cognac eyes. “I just thought, perhaps, you all had an interest you’d like to share.”

 “That sounds a little like a talent show,” Thomas said, staring at the page. “We’d have to get a set to add some spark, don’t you think? And some props, surely.” He met Roman’s eyes and added, “That’s time we don’t really have right now, Roman.”

 Roman frowned, his shoulders falling slightly. “Of course, I- I understand, the next one should- it should be more appropriate,” he said, but his eyes fell to his own paper like he couldn’t remember exactly what it promised.

 "Roman, did you even think this through?” Logan stared at the paper in his respective binder, his frown deeper than usual as he read off the next item on the list. “‘Destress with animals’?” He adjusted his glasses with a small huff and said to the fanciful side, “We have neither the time nor budget for that. Thomas’ video needs to go up this week, and we haven’t even taken into account preparation and editing, not to mention which animals we’d need. What if Thomas is allergic?”

  Roman stared at his binder, his brow knit. He opened his mouth and closed it without speaking, but Logan wasn’t finished.

  “Roman, all of these ideas are either too expensive, or they’re half-made,” he chided. Thomas nodded.

  “You’ve done better, kiddo,” Patton frowned as he went through the list, scrunching his mouth to the side. “Not that these aren’t good, but…”

  Virgil watched Roman openly now - the creative side winced with every word that came out of the others’ mouths, and with Logan’s next critique, he seemed to crumble:

  “But they’re not good  _enough_.”

  Roman gave a sharp inhale of breath and pressed his elbow into his side, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth.

  Virgil jumped back at how suddenly the binder disappeared from his hands - a glance around showed the others’ had gone as well, no trace of them save for their owners’ shocked faces. Patton looked down at his empty hands with a pout. “Oh, I liked that color.”

  Logan sighed. “Roman, please, there’s no need for a tantrum. If you had put a tad more effort into your ideas, perhaps we’d have had a more productive meeting.”

  Virgil looked over at Roman - the boy was staring at the ground with forceful concentration, his elbow still pressed into his side like he’d bleed out without it there, and Virgil could see his chest rising and falling with labored breaths.

  “Logan…” Virgil trailed off, not taking his gaze away from the prince.

  “Kiddo,” Patton started, lacing his fingers together with a soft smile. “Maybe we can just come back later, and give you some time to figure something more realistic out, would that help?”

  Roman took a shallow breath and looked up at Thomas, his eyebrows low and furrowed. “No, we… I can think of some better ones now, just, just give me a second,” he muttered, his voice smaller and more strained than Virgil had ever heard it, like speaking caused him pain.

  Thomas sighed, “We need something just a tad more inspired, Ro, something we can get done soon and well.” Roman looked ready to say something else before Thomas shook his head and held a hand up to the side. “Take a break, Roman, please.”

  Roman looked around at the other sides, his gaze meeting what he could only interpret as disappointment, until he reached Virgil’s eyes; Virgil noticed for the first time the faint crescent moons stamped beneath Roman’s, and he pulled back slightly. “Princey, you’re  _exhausted_ \- how long did you sleep last night?”

  Roman took a quick peep at Thomas and the others and, upon seeing their eyes widen slightly in alarm, gave a small smile. “Oh, you know how it is, I- I had a quite strenuous run-in with a Chimera from a nearby kingdom in an effort to grasp some inspiration, though I suppose it didn’t work.” He swallowed and raised his eyebrows knowingly. “No problemo, though! I’ll simply follow Padre’s advice here and develop one of my ideas-” His sentence was cut off as a small burst of wind penetrated the room from Patton’s corner.

  The familiar black and yellow of the snake-faced side greeted them, but his casual smirk was missing as he surveyed the room.

  Thomas yelped, “Deceit!” and fell back as Logan rolled his eyes.

  “Well, isn’t this a party,” Deceit drawled, frowning as he met Virgil’s gaze - and a subsequent growl - and then Roman’s. His eyebrows shot up and Roman paled. “Ah.”

  Patton and Thomas both uttered a small, “What?” as Deceit sighed.

  “Roman,” Logan started slowly, his voice strained for patience and control. “Is something wrong, so much so that our  _fellow side_  felt needed here,  _now_?”

  Roman swallowed thickly and blinked. “No- No, I don’t believe so, Detective S-” but he seemed to choke slightly before he could finish his nickname.

  Deceit watched with a pursed scowl. “A chimera?”

  Virgil looked to Roman, whose complexion had gone ashen.

  “What about the chimera?” Patton asked brightly, nudging Deceit to the side so both of them could fit in his corner.

  “Roman fought a chimera last night,” Deceit repeated drily, staring into the creative side’s eyes. Virgil watched them both carefully and waited for the others to catch on.

  Logan frowned. “He did not,” he amended with a frustrated look at Roman. “What exactly, then, did you do last night, if not vie for inspiration?” When Roman didn’t respond Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. “You have a job to perform, Roman, and it’s not fair if you do not do it and proceed to show up to our meetings fundamentally empty-handed while the rest of us have done our part.”

  Roman flinched again, so violently Virgil almost reached out to stop him from hitting the wall behind him.

  “He certainly wasn’t up all night drafting ideas,” Deceit said quietly, almost reluctantly, a binder materializing in his hand - Roman’s binder, bright red and filled with messy notebook paper. He flipped it open and scanned its contents. “The ideas you most definitely didn’t disregard and throw away.”

  Roman stared at the binder with glassy eyes. He lurched forward and grabbed it off the other side, his breathing visibly sporadic as he turned to the others said, “That’s- I know they’re not the best ideas, but I can think of some better ones, I’m just in a bit of a hole, but I can think of some now! Improv is great for the mind, right, Logan?”

  “Roman,” Thomas said slowly, “Maybe you should sleep a little. We can brainstorm and discuss when you get back-”

   _“No!”_

  Everyone reeled back at Roman’s outburst, even Roman; his eyes went wide and he clamped a hand over his mouth.

  “Thomas,” he whispered through his fingers, “Please, I can’t- I won’t let you down if I just stay a little longer, I promise, I can’t- I have to-”

  “Have to what, kiddo?” Patton said, his voice soft.

  “I have to prove to you all that I can help!” Roman said, his voice finally cracking as tears rolled down his face. “I need to show you that I can assist and contribute still!”

  Thomas raised his eyebrows. “Roman, of course you can, why would you-”

  “I’m not  _stupid_ , Thomas,” Roman snapped, taking a shaky breath. “I know you all could function without me here - Patton is creative enough, Virgil and Logan can motivate you - and I know you all would rather me…” He paused and stared at his hands. “I know it’d be better for you all if I were to duck out.”

  “Oh, Roman,” Patton started.

  Roman interrupted him. “I’ve been going through the memories.”

  Thomas’ eyebrows shot up to his hairline and he glanced around the room. “The memories?”

  “The part of your psyche that retains your- well, your memories, Thomas,” Virgil said, looking through his eyelashes as Roman nodded.

  “I looked through our past videos, and I-” Roman blinked quickly, taking another breath, “I was  _horrible_ , Thomas. I made fun of Logan, I belittled Patton, and Virgil…” Roman looked up at him, his face displaying how close he was to a meltdown. “Virgil, I can’t apologize enough for how I treated you,” he whispered.

  “Princey- Roman, it’s… it’s okay,” Virgil replied with wide eyes. How long had Roman been dwelling on the past? (That was usually his job.)

  “But it’s not!” Roman put his face in his hands and shook his head as if to clear it. “But I’ve realized now that perhaps it was only the start for my decline in popularity, with the fans and with you all.”

  Thomas frowned, and Virgil noticed Logan step back slightly. “ _That’s_ what this is about?” Thomas asked. “Roman, I thought we talked about this?”

  “It makes sense, Thomas! I’m not kind, or smart, or good,” Virgil blinked at that, “So I tried to be creative, what I literally  _exist_ to be, and I can’t even do  _that_ right.” He threw his binder to the ground. “I understand it! I’d hate me too!”

  The room went silent.

  “Roman,” Patton said quietly - Deceit had disappeared sometime during Roman’s outburst, bringer of chaos that he was - “Do you… hate yourself?”

  Roman sighed, his shoulders rising and falling as his breath finally evened out. “I don’t know.”

  “You shouldn’t-” Virgil stopped as the sides stared at him, and he tried to collect his thoughts. “I get that, Ro.” Roman met his eyes, his face both dubious and hopeful. “I of all people get that, but I also get that hating yourself gets you nowhere except miserable, and no one deserves that, especially not you.” Dubious took over Roman’s face but Virgil continued without missing a beat, “You push Thomas through every audition, every video, every  _idea_ , good or maybe not so good regardless. You’re vital to the team, Roman. Don’t doubt that.” Roman stared at him, his eyes going glassy all over again.

  “I must apologize,” Logan said from his side of the room, his voice low as he adjusted his tie. “I overlooked the circumstances of your suggestions and judged them quite harshly without considering the possibilities, nor the consequences of my actions.” He cleared his throat and glanced up. “I- hope you can forgive me.”

  “OH MY GOD ROMAN YOU POOR  _BABY_ ,” Patton cried from the window, his hands covering half his face. “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US?” He rushed forward despite the room’s boundaries and wrapped his arms around the prince, nearly sobbing already.

  “Oof- Padre, it’s- it’s not your fault- me suffocating might be though!” Patton loosened his grip but kept Roman in his arms - the creative side acquiesced and nuzzled his face into Patton’s neck.

  “Roman,” Thomas added while Patton grabbed Virgil and pulled him in, motioning for Logan to join. “You… you know you don’t need to be everyone’s favorite to be loved; you’ll always have a place here.” He faltered and looked down at the red binder abandoned by the stairs. “And you don’t have to be constantly productive to have self-worth. We all know you’re capable, Ro, and we’ll always be there to help you through whatever creative block you might have.”

  Roman peeked through the group hug around him and smiled. “Thank you, Thomas.” He sighed, pulling the other sides closer in their embrace.

  “Thank you guys.”


End file.
